Livin' in Illinois
Jeff Foxworthy on Illinois :
If your local Dairy
Queen is closed from November through March, you might live in Illinois .
If someone in a store
offers you assistance & they don't work there, you might live in Illinois .
If your dad's suntan
stops at a line curving around the middle of his forehead, you might live in
Illinois .
If you have ever worn
shorts and a parka at the same time, you might live in Illinois ..
If your town has an
equal number of bars and churches, you might live in Illinois .
If you have had a
lengthy telephone conversation with someone who dialed a wrong number, you might
live in Illinois .
YOU KNOW YOU
ARE A TRUE Illinoisan WHEN:
1. Vacation means
going north or south on I-55 for the weekend.
2. You measure
distance in hours.
3. You know several
people who have hit a deer more than once.
4.
You often switch from heat to AC in the same day and back again.
5. You drive 65 mph
through a raging blizzard, without flinching.
6. You see people
wearing camouflage at social events (including weddings).
7. You install
security lights on your house and garage and leave both unlocked.
8. You carry jumper
cables in your car and know how to use them.
9. You design your
kids Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.
10. Driving is better
in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow.
11. You know all 5
seasons: almost winter, winter, still winter, road construction, & It's Hot.
12. Your idea of
creative landscaping is a statue of a deer next to a blue spruce.
13. "Down South"
means Missouri .
14. A brat is
something you eat.
15. Your neighbor
throws a party to celebrate his new pole shed.
16. You go out to a
tailgate party every Friday.
17. You have more
miles on your snow blower than your car.
18. You find 0
degrees a "little chilly."
19. You know the
difference between corn and soy beans at a glance.
20. You do not
consider Chicago to be a part of Illinois .
21. A "hill" is any
landmass higher than 20 feet above sea level
.
22.
You actually
understand these jokes, and you forward them to all your Illinois friends.
What's not to understand?